It has, obviously, been a while since I've posted here. My apologies again to those who aren't on Facebook and can't keep up with me that way. It's much easier to jot off a short status update there to let you know how I'm doing rather than sitting down to right a blog post, which usually requires at least a solid hour or two. But I've got some time now, so here goes.
My last chemo was on December 3. And I mean "last" in two senses: most recent and final, at least for the Big-Bad Trio (Cytoxan, Epirubicin, and 5-FU). Since I've started on this regimen, I've often thought the shortened name for the last drug is rather fitting, as these drugs Eff-U up in at least five different ways. Get it, get it?? Heh.
In the days leading up to Dec. 3, I was getting really upset. Like, crying a lot. Two nights in a row beforehand, I spent sobbing, and the day of, during my appointment with my oncologist's physician's assistant (PA), I started crying and couldn't stop. I cried during the administration of the drugs, and the sweet nurse was so concerned. I told her I was so unhappy and upset at having to go through this again, even though it was the last one. I took a picture of the Epirubicin before it was administered. It turns my stomach to even look at it; I guess I'm now conditioned like one of Pavlov's dogs, but there it is on the upper left. This drug is in the same family as a chemo drug that's been used for years on breast cancer patients: Adriamycin. They are commonly called "The Red Devil" among those who have come to know them intimately, as I have.
I don't really know why I was so upset with this round. I know part of it was dread. HUGE dread at feeling so sick again for a week or more. I think part of it was also estrogen starvation and resulting hormonal imbalances. My body is being forced into a premature menopause, and I'm not responding well, emotionally. My PA, Lisa, suggested that I try an antidepressant, so I'm now on that. In any case, once they got the drugs in me, I calmed down; nothing I could do then but ride it out.
And honestly, in many ways, this last round wasn't too terribly bad. I kept myself well dosed with Phenergan and Ativan (antinausea drugs that also have soporific and antianxiety properties), so I slept. A lot. Like 16-18 hours a day from Thursday (administration day) through Monday. I started to cut back on the drugs Monday and thought I had enough energy to work on Tuesday, so I went in but had to leave by 1:00 because I was so exhausted and really out of it cognitively. I stayed home Wednesday as well and finally by Thursday, a full week after administration, I felt strong enough to work a full day. So really, my worst side effects this time were the usual lack of appetite and everything tasting and smelling awful, along with extreme fatigue. Oh, and the usual constipation and resulting excruciating spells in the bathroom.
So I'm told that the worst is over, that what I'm now facing is much easier. And just to refresh your memory, that is another twelve weeks of chemotherapy but with only one drug: Taxol. Supposedly, this drug does not have near the nausea nor the fatigue associated with it. Most commonly, it causes numbness in one's extremities. I am hopeful that it will be easier, especially since I have to take this drug once per week rather than once every three weeks, as has been the case with the Big-Bad Trio. So I will be out every Friday for three months starting on January 8th -- and yes, that is another HUGE bonus I got from the Good Nurse Sue -- a whole month off! After the Taxol, I will have radiation every day for 6 weeks (with weekends off).
I have put off the tattoo since I have yet to find a local artist who specializes in traditional Asian blackwork, which is what I want. I will continue to look here in the DFW area and in Austin; hopefully I can find someone.
I had a really wonderful birthday last weekend. My in-laws sent me a beautiful necklace they got at the Detroit Institute of Arts, along with gift cards for Macy's, so I'm planning a big after-Christmas shopping spree when the deals are really good. We went out to dinner the evening of my birthday with a bunch of my friends from work and their spouses plus three of their kids. We had a great dinner with lots of fun conversation and then went back to our house for a beautiful and delicious cake that Kyle made. My single girlfriends with no kids stayed and chatted with us until close to midnight when we all realized it was a school night, so they headed on home.
I just realized last week that I have about 10 days off in a row during the holidays. Our official university holidays are Dec. 23-25 and Dec. 28-Jan. 1; these are not days I have to take as vacation, just holidays. The library will be open on several of these days, and folks have volunteered to be there as a skeleton crew. I did not volunteer because at the time (way back in August, I believe), I wasn't sure what my treatment schedule would be. So once I realized that I would have all this time off, I started thinking about what we could possibly do. It was too late to try to get to Michigan, and besides, we've spent most of the past 10 years of Christmases there. I really wanted to be here in Texas for our first Christmas in our new home. So I think what we may do (we're still trying to firm up plans) is drive over to Monroe on the 26th and spend a couple of days with my brother Paul and then head home for one night so we can drop our dog Lightning at the vet for boarding before driving down to Houston for a couple of days with my cousins there. If all goes according to plan, we will head back home on the 31st in time for a party that my friend Gretchen is having at her house that night.
I can't really think of much other news -- oh, except for the fact that my hair is just *barely* starting to grow back. It's really not even visible at this point, but I can feel peach fuzz over many parts of my scalp that were completely smooth. There are still a lot of smooth patches, though, as well. I'm hoping that it will continue to grow or at least stop falling out as I start the Taxol. My eyebrows and eyelashes are almost gone, and I have to say that I look pretty damn bad with no makeup and no hair, so if I can't even put mascara on, I'm going to be very unhappy. I was chatting about this with a woman at my oncologist's office (a breast cancer survivor who was in for a check-up, I think, since she had all her hair and brows and lashes), and she said that when her hair started to come back, her lashes never did really regrow as thick as they had been before. She heard about a product called Latisse that she recommended I get. It's a prescription drug that was originally being used with glaucoma patients, but the developers of the drug noticed that it had a wonderful side effect: noticeable thickening and lengthening of eyelashes. So now it is a prescription that I can probably get through my plastic surgeon, but I'm guessing I will have to pay out of pocket for it, and it's around $120. I will wait and see how my lashes come back in; if I feel I really need it, I guess that price isn't too terribly bad.
So that's it for now. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, however you may celebrate it. One of my favorite days during this season is the winter solstice; only two more days, and the sun will start to return to us here in the northern hemisphere! We've had a few cold spells here in Texas, but it has mostly been a beautiful fall with days in the 60s and even some 70s. The sun still feels so close and warm here, even now, and I am so thankful for that. I'm also incredibly grateful to my friends, in-laws, cousins -- all who love me and who have shown such steadfast support for me. I, in turn, send my love to you and wish you joy, laughter, fun, and love during the holidays. Peace, Jody.
